The Philosophers' Cocoon

4 responses to “Grappling with a partner’s career “reset” (after moving to a new academic job)?”

1. Anonimal

   January 22, 2025

   I can empathise entirely with the predicament of OP and folks in similar situations. The simple fact of the matter is that leaving one’s home country for jobs abroad comes with significant disadvantages — e.g. foregoing (un)employment insurance/Universal Credit (depending on contract details: fixed term contracts will screw you in your home country and country of work; spouses without work history will not be able to apply for universal credit/employment insurance), restrictions on hours worked/paid, etc. — especially for partners/spouses. Depending on the region (e.g., Asia/non-Latinate languages), these difficulties may be insurmountable (everything from practical, ‘can’t work in the language’ to principled, ‘can’t work in this country’, to unprincipled, ‘worked but never paid’ or the chinese ‘can’t leave a job without papers of termination from current employment that they [illegally] withhold).
   With the above scenarios in mind, I would emphasise that anyone considering a contract abroad shoud 1000% try to negotiate something for a spouse. In the current situation, OP’s spouse is doing exceedingly well. Part of the situation may in fact be getting up to speed with UK practices (and work ethic, etc.). And The NHS is indeed in really tough shape. I can’t imagine what it’s like to work within it — in addition to the draining, soul-crushing circumstances that is health care everywhere. But even here, I’m confident that the OP could negotiate a ‘job-share’ with spouse to make things work a bit better for all involved (whilst losing out on a dual income)
   All this to say, career resets are difficult. Full stop. It would have been difficult for you or your partner had you decided to change career trajectories in your ‘home’ countries — or even move to a different state. And it will be even more difficult abroad. Part of this concerns certifications that transfer, etc. Since OP is in the UK: figuring out how to demonstrate GCSE/A-level equivalency, how to translate (north-)American grades into the UK equivalent, and how to demonstrate the formal certification/accreditation that almost every professional field has in the UK (it’s not always the case that actual experience trumps formal certification). It’s also the case that interview processes are culture-shock levels of different (in the UK, but elsewhere too).
   All of these things should be considered carefully by anyone moving anywhere. Failure to consider and discuss with a partner will result in someone being unemployed for a non-trivial amount of time — and will stress on the relationship. Clear eyes, full hearts — can’t lose!

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2. mover

   January 23, 2025

   As Anonimal notes, any international move is costly, financially, psychologically, etc. It is hard on the person whose career is being advanced by the move, and it is hard on the partners and children as well. Reset, or retooling, is to be expected. And, as noted, it can be surprising what limitations there are on spouses moving for someone’s career. Some are legal and hard; some are more subtle but prove to be real barriers. Language is a key limiting factor, even in countries where they often work in a second language. We moved for my career. Technically, my partner has the right to work anywhere in the country (which I do not have) – it says so on her work/residency permit. But they are effectively blocked from many careers. So you have to be ready for disappointment, and for coming up with creative solutions. Incidentally, my partner and I have changed countries twice (not counting a four month move), and each move has been, in the long run, the right financial move. Indeed, our general quality of life has improved with each move, but there have been costs.

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3. everwhat

   January 23, 2025

   I commiserate with the OP quite a lot. My spouse moved with me to the middle of nowhere for the tenure-track job I am now in. Before this, we were in a larger coastal city, where I was a non-TT lecturer but where she had stable work, and was surrounded by ample work opportunities. For various reasons, a spousal hire was not on the table with this job (though some adjunct work was ‘promised’, and that did come through, but it is spotty and pays nothing). Thus, she sacrificed a lot moving here with me. I like my job but hate living here, but that is nothing compared to the struggle she’s had to go through. Not only does she hate the place, but there’s no meaningful work opportunities, the nearest large city is 2.5 hours away, and she has to struggle with feelings of outsiderism arising in almost all interactions with my colleagues. Because here’s the thing – your TT colleagues might act like ‘they get it’, but in many ways that is just lip-service. I am in no position to question her perception of feeling like the Full Time faculty at the university look down on her, even though she has the highest terminal degree in her area.
   Anyway, naturally I am still on the market trying to get out of here. I also do regret some times not just staying in my non-TT job in the biggest city where she had decent work. I was in many ways selfish for the decision I made, and I feel like a crappy person for dragging her here with me. This is maybe not helpful, but you said you’d be happy with commiserations, so here are mine.

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4. US regret

   January 24, 2025

   I empathise too. Me and my partner moved to the US when I got a postdoc after my PhD. She quit her (non-academic) permanent job. Before we left, we felt excited: a new adventure, a chance to live and work abroad for a couple of years.
   But we hated the city and my partner, despite having work authorisation, could not find a job. I was lucky enough to get another postdoc back home, so we left the US earlier than planned. Although we made some nice memories, thinking back on the whole experience I do sometimes regret accepting the postdoc. The biggest stress factor for me was thinking about what we – but especially my partner – gave up.
   On the other hand, we’ve ended up both having stable jobs in our home country, and the postdoc might have helped my career along. All’s well that ends well?
   I don’t know how helpful this is for the OP, though, since our relocation was always going to be temporary. In terms of what made our time in the US better: we found a really nice group of friends and made an effort to see as much of the country as possible. Having a few work-unrelated things to enjoy made the experience more manageable.

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